Path: netcom.com!ix.netcom.com!howland.reston.ans.net!news.cac.psu.edu!news.pop.psu.edu!hudson.lm.com!newsfeed.pitt.edu!uunet!hack.dragoman.com!l16.ip.quake.net!user From: don@amsaga.com (Don Hawaiian Shirt) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Mitnick is an Alien Date: 6 Apr 1995 01:29:36 GMT Organization: American Saga Message-ID: MITNICK IS AN ALIEN (copyright 1995 American Saga 41 Sutter Street Box 1409 San Francisco, CA 94104 e-mail: info@amsaga.com) *** September 30, 1955. A UFO lands in the sleepy town of Van Nuys, California. It was hell on wheels. It looked like a pumpkin on fire. It smelled like a camel in heat. Nixon sees it, but he doesn't tell anybody. "He kept it to himself," said Ziegler later. "It was a personal issue." A dog's plaintive wail is the only sound as the UFO abducts 3-year-old Van Nuys resident Emilio Alcala. Eisenhower, ignoring the fatal crash of young James Dean, would later say, "These Interstate highways. . . someday they'll inspire love songs." Eerily, almost 40 years later, Dean reincarnation Weyland writes "Interstate Love Song." Coincidence? Nixon flees the scene. Alcala is never found. *** 1965. The first McDonald's in Van Nuys opens at the corner of Balboa and Vanowen. A young but sturdy patron walks in the front door. Wizened old patron Pablo Gomez looks at the young patron out the side of his wizened old eye. Later, Gomez would vote a straight Democratic ticket. The young patron orders 4 Big Macs, "for here." *** 1975. Rickles and Martin are out behind the Flamingo in Vegas. A UFO lands in front of them. Beatty gets out. Rickles goes bug-eyed. Martin, urinating, claims not to see. Liddy writes "Will" in jail. The first computer store opens in Vegas. Coincidence? *** 1985. The stock market crashes. Nixon's portfolio is unharmed. Streiber dreams about a Big Mac with antennae. Boesky says, "Somebody's messin' around with my computers!" Reagan et ux admit to using heavy doses of astrology. The Rock bites the dust. Coincidence? *** 1995. Shimomura receives an e-mail: "Don't you know who I am? I like eggie-wegs." Shimomura replies, "I will smash you and crash you. I know about your thing for Egg McMuffins." The Van Nuys McDonald's receives an order for 10,000 Big Macs to be delivered to the Nixon estate in San Clemente. Shimomura homes in on the signal. He confronts Mitnick at Mitnick's apartment at the Helms Arms in Raleigh, N.C. "I respect your hair," Mitnick tells Shimomura. "Don't give me any shit about my hair, Alcala," states Shimomura. "I'm not the corporate type." "Neither am I, but I wish I was." Mitnick furtively hands a business card to Shimomura. "Come see me in jail, September 30th. Gordon will be there." "Gordon?" "Listen, Tsutomu, we'll be the Rat Pack of Mars." Mitnick is taken away. Shimomura, driving his Integra in San Diego, feels hungry for a Double Cheeseburger. He aims for the drive-through. Coincidence?