From jaguar@claw.wimsey.com Mon Feb 14 18:31:28 PST 1994 In <2jh1jo$jd9@cville-srv.wam.umd.edu> cotton@cornfield.edu (TJJT) writes: >This is my first time reading this newsgroup. It seems really cool and >so far, it's funny in a terraibly surrealistic way. but what, exactly, >is the purpose of this newsgroup? Just to post and say funny things? >'Cause that would be real cool. No. No, that's entirely wrong. Completely off-base. You will have to leave. I'm sorry, but those are the rules. In the mean time, folks, watch THIS: "The new Phillips CD-i is interac..." WHOOPS! Wrong infomercial. Sorry 'bout that. Damn remote is on the fritz again. Too many people hitting me on the head with it, that's my theory. OK here goes: THE OFFICIAL CHARTER OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDANCE OF THE COMMONWEALTH OF INDEPENDANT UNITED STATES OF CANADA, AND ALSO, ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY. =========================================================================== As Written By Jeremy "OS/2ibo" Reimer, Doctor of Letters and Philosopher To The Masses, and his Cat Notspot, who is allowed, even if Spot isn't. Version 1.0 INTRODUCTION ------------ In Which It Shall Be Said that Alt.Religion.Kibology is The One Subject Which Will Be Discussed In This Document Which Appears Below This Introduction And Contains Fewer Sentences With All The Words Capitalized Like This And Is Not Printed In Helvetica Ever So If You Receive A Copy Written In Helvetica Be Sure To Burn It Thank You For Reading This Introduction. ALSO THE INTRODUCTION --------------------- It Shall Be Lawful for the Kibo to refer to this Portion of the Document as "The Introduction". PREFACE ------- All Readers of This Document (Which, henceforth shall be referred to as "This Document") Shall be Aware of the Purpose Of This Document, which shall forthwith be referred to as "The Purpose Of This Document". THE PURPOSE OF THIS DOCUMENT ---------------------------- In Which it is clearly stated that the Purpose of this Document is to outline The Purpose Of This Document. The aforementioned Purpose (which will henceforth be referred to as "The Purpose") is outlined in the Section of this Document entitled "The Purpose Of This Document" and may be referenced in This Document by referring back to The Purpose, as outlined in section 7. THE PURPOSE OF THIS NEWSGROUP ----------------------------- It Shall be Lawful for the Kibo to post Followups in His Name to the Newsgroup Mentioned in This Document (henceforth referred to as "The Newsgroup"). It shall be Lawful for the Kibo to Outline the Absurdity of the Original Subject Material of the Thread which had been previously Followed-up to The Newsgroup. It Shall be Lawful for the Kibo to append the Royal Seal, henceforth referred to as "--K." to the aforementioned Followup to The Newsgroup. It Shall be Lawful for the Followers of Kibology (henceforth referred to as "The Followers" to follow-up The Followup on The Newsgroup with additional Witty Comments (which are to be referred to as "Witticisms" henceforth in This Document) It Shall be Lawful for John_-_Winston (henceforth referred to as _-_) to Cross-Post The Readings From The Weekly World News And The X-Files (henceforth referred to as crap) in The Newsgroup. It Shall be Lawful for 5150 (henceforth referred to as 5150) to post Followups, Crossposts and Original Articles (henceforth referred to as Original Articles) in The Newsgroup, which are to contain at least one Witticism per Original Article, Crosspost or Followup. It Shall be Lawful for Paul Tomblin to be Snide. It Shall be Lawful for Mike Dahmus to Engage In OS/2 (henceforth referred to as The One True Operating System)-related Debates, Crossposted to Alt.Fan.Mike-Dahmus, and to Engage the Unix Weenies, and To Valiantly Defend The One True Operating System's Broken Move Command (henceforth referred to as Painfully Wrong) Also, It Shall be Lawful for Mike Dahmus to use "Duh" in the Aforementioned Debates. It Shall be Lawful for Mike Dahmus to Promote Kibology Through OS/2. It Shall be Lawful for Lewis Stiller to Examine Laserdisc Frames. It Shall be Lawful for Andrew Bulhack to Mediate Elections for The New Kibo (henceforth referred to as "Not The Same As The One True Kibo") It Shall be Lawful for Alexander Abian to Promote Peace and Understanding Through Science. It Shall be Lawful for Ludwig Plutonium (henceforth referred to as "dangerous radioactive material-- avoid.) to Promote Abian. It Shall Not be Lawful for Jay Paul Chawla. It Shall be Lawful for Lieutenant Wilkes to Preach the Evil of Delphi and Convert the Masses. It Shall be Lawful for Joel Furr to Promote New Newsgroups (henceforth referred to as "the alt.sewer") It Shall be Lawful for Dave Delaney to Henceforth Be Referred To As The Keeper Of The FAQ. It Shall be Lawful for Matt McIrvin to Wield The Original Tab-Damage-O-Meter And Use it as a Guiding Light for all Humanity. It Shall be Lawful for Scott "~ibo" Ramming to Not Appear In This Document. It Shall be Lawful for Anthony "Schwaibo" Hobbes, jack [no it's not short for jackie], Karl Reinsch, an-38115, and Anybody Else Who Does Not Appear In This Document (henceforth referred to as People Who I Didn't Put In This Document) to Appear In This Document, by way of Followups, and Additions To This Document (henceforth referred to as bugfixes) Finally, it Shall be Lawful for Jeremy "OS/2ibo" Reimer to Post Articles Of Significant Interest to The Newsgroup. It Shall be Lawful for Jeremy "OS/2ibo" Reimer (henceforth referred to as "The Jeremy") to Maintain This Document. It Shall be Lawful for The Jeremy to Post Thoughts For The Day, Which Are To Be Ordered in Order of Increasing Numerical Order, and are to Be Kept in The Jeremy's Safe Usenet Archives for Public Perusal. It Shall be Lawful for The Jeremy to Promote The One True Operating System, but he Must Always Appear to Disagree with Mike Dahmus. ON THE MATTER OF KIBOZING ------------------------- It Shall be Lawful for Any Kibologist to Kiboze the Net. It Shall be Lawful for the Net to make Serdar Argic Unlawful. RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS ------------------- It Shall be the Right and Freedom of Any Kibologist to Promote Kibology. It Shall be the Right and Freedom of All of Usenet to Engage in Threads, Which Shall be terminated by Flames. It Shall be the Right and Freedom of Any Usenet Citizen to Terminate Threads once Hitler has been mentioned. All other Rights are Forbidden, unless they are Allowed. Lefts and Freedoms are Also Allowed. ON THE SUBJECT OF WASTING TIME ------------------------------ It Shall be Argued that The Jeremy has Too Much Time On His Hands. ON THE SUBJECT OF HAPPYNET -------------------------- HappyNet has been Postponed until the Election of the Not The Same As The One True Kibo. CONCLUDING REMARKS ------------------ In Conclusion, I conclude that Kibology Shall Be Allowed. Further Conclusions are Forthcoming in The Real Conclusion, which shall be appended to This Document at the end of the Concluding Remarks. THE REAL CONCLUSION ------------------- I wrote all this, and it is all very silly. The End. DISCLAIMERS ----------- I don't need no steenkin' disclaimers! REFERENCES ---------- See also: "The Nature of Happynet", by Kibo. "Signatures, and how to avoid them", by Kibo. "Usenet Is Your Friend", by Lewis Stiller. "The Thought For The Day Compendium #1", by The Jeremy. "The Book Written By The Other People", by the Other People. -- Jeremy "OS/2ibo" Reimer Founder and President, World Domination Inc. (a division of Microsoft) "This is the snobbery of the people on the Mayflower looking down their noses at the people who came over ON THE SECOND BOAT!" - Mitch Kapor, on Usenet elitism