Are any of you humans wondering whether or not you have elven
blood? A link to a true, greater, potential, not realized as
of yet?
There is an easy way to find out, and unlock the true elven
potential within you.
It is with fulfilling this promise that we bring you:
SYLVANTOLOGY!
Founded by legendary Half-Elven Sage Elrond Hubbard! Though
he had human blood in his veins, lived an immortal lifetime
in the full glory and potential of an elf!
His writings are collected in a tome to help you unlock the
potential of your elven blood:
ElVENETICS!. The secret to unlocking the elven mind!
Read it! Use it!
Allow your skilled Elven Auditors to apply Elf-Meters to
your skin to measure how much elf there is in you, and help you
bring it to the surface.
Like the ocean? Maybe you have Aquatic Elf Blood! The church
of Sylvantology's Sea-Elf Org can help unlock this potential.
Learn to breathe water!
Learn to identify the chaos dwarves who seek to oppose the
elven way! Take courses to further unlock your elven potential.
When you have unlocked your elven potential, you will be able to:
* Move silently in woods, even in fall!
* Detect secret doors just by walking by them
* Cut out up to 90% of your time wasted sleeping
* Construct toys in a workshop
* Live a longer lifespan
* Overdose on Springwine with no major long-term ill effects
* Look down on even the snootiest of non-elven humans
* Make chainmail with teeny tiny links
* Get in free to Star Trek Vulcan Conventions
Coming soon to a land near you!
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"To dwell within Samsara, however, is to
be subject to the works of those mighty
among dreamers."
- Mahasamatman, in Zelazny's "Lord of Light"
Andrew Apold
Originally found at http://amtgard.com:8080/archive/04.00/0918.html